I highly recommend Celebrate Manhood: a rite of passage guide for all families raising boys. Your email address will not be published. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Skip to content. Rated 5. How will you celebrate? Is there a simple way to celebrate this significant milestone? We had such a good laugh and noone has ever made me enjoy my life that much. The problem was that he enjoyed the company of other women to. They check from time to time if he was still with me and he kept messages on his phone.
He was still friends with ex girlfriends which bugged me. He was obsessed. It truly upsets me because when he was calm and we were alone it was all good. He has a narc best friend who drove me crazy. I know I need to get over him once and for all but I feel so drawn to him and miss him. I think I need therapy!
Please know there is healing available. I would love you to come into my free workshop where a you will learn what that additive pull is, and b realise how to release yourself and heal from it — as well as how to heal for good from the pattern of this sort of painful love. Stay strong, and truly when you find and heal those parts that feel addicted, then you will go free! Also, to add to what I wrote above, I have always been attracted to somatic narcissists throughout my life from my early teens.
I believe this is reaction to having grown up in a cerebal household without much physical touch and affection as a child. So the somatic narcs filled a huge void for me and i even recognised from a young age that i would trade of giving my body for sex, for the physical closeness and intimacy that I craved. I longed to be held in big strong arms. I totally agree that a lack of emotional and physical comfort is a big driver to seek physical and sexual contact for us.
Just one more thing to add! They can be eccentric, quirky, creative and soulful as well as very much expressing themselves through their physicality and strength and also like you say through sex or being attractive to people and open with sexuality.
The comment you made about a male somatic narc believing any attention means from a female means they are attracted to them sexually, is so true in my experience! They can manipulate women through subtle or unspoken messages through the body. I can now see why in my current narc relationship he is always able to hook me back in through physical closeness or even the words and energy he uses by text, phone to make me weaken in my resolve to not see him or my anger over his recent behaviour.
Oh my goodness, I couldnt have written that better Sophie. Another ex told her he said that to her and recently he text me saying exactly that. Why oh why do I still feel attracted to him like a magnet? My mum was bi polar so I had her attention one minute and she was never there the next. I witnessed some terrible things a child should never see. Maybe we both are filling a void Sophie. We are better away from them and with someone who can give us the true connection we so need. Melanie… what can I do?
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The one I was involved with was over weight, and not real good looking. But he had alot of chemistry sexually to me, and fits the criteta for the other stuff.
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He had never married or ever had a relationship and he was in his forties. He had usually a sex person on the side though, his best friend told me. He called it an arrangement. Im probably the only one who tried to actually be with him. He was extremly push pull, and mainly fixated on sex, although he could be affectionate and very funny and sweet at times. He had a history of past drug addictions and some criminal activity. He ended up being incrediably cruel and emotionaly abusive and I got the devalue discard that was off the chain..
Anyway, whats really weird is, years later I ran into him, and I didnt know it was him, and he looked like a total druggie. He tried to pick up on me in a really strange way, by hypnosis. He stopped though when it dawned on him who I was. He didnt recognize me either at first and I had on sunglasses. What freaks me out is I remember him telling me one time, that when he used to be a drug addict, that he loved sex on drugs, and would allways look for someone to have sex with when he got his drug supply.
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Thats what he attempted to do on me. Anyway, I think my connection to him is my mom was very obese growing up and she was hospitalised alot of my teenage years or Im just goofy. But it was really painful. I think Ive sllways looked for sex to connect with a guy, and equated it with love. Ive never been involved with a self professed comittment phobe before though.
He sure seemed to have lived his life that way, and was very selfish, insulting, and egotistical, especially for what he was. He really cured me of equating sex with love again. I feel the same way. Mine was from another country and had a different look.
He also would say if a girl asked him about his hair, it was an opening to get her number. He was physically gorgeous to me, and very sexual. Almost to the point I was worried about him getting bored and needing more excitement. I ran into him a month after we broke up with another woman. He moved on so quickly but came back and sucked me back in for another year.
I loved reading this article; thank you so much for your insights. As usual it made me aware of something in me that I can heal. My question now, is how can I use the goal setting module to release the fact that I have the belief that I am only attracted to a certain look or go for only a certain type of guy? I am so pleased you enjoyed it … and that is great it gives you more clues on what you can up-level. There may be a few traumas on it … and they will all surface if you target them.
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Wow, thank you. She would joke about how she would make fun of my partner i they are not physically beautiful. Thank you Melanie for all you do , but particularly this article. It is right on the money, and another gift to add to my healing toolbox. Again another wonderful article! I have never worked so hard to make my relationship work with my ex narc , I would have hour long monologues with this woman and I would get a deer in the headlights , no response, at all!
This is me and her sitting alone in a quiet area with no one around , purposely to have a conversation! I would get so annoyed I would explain to her how a conversation works! That always got a response! Then when she would get tired of hearing me , she would start rubbing me and touching me in a sexual way , unfortunately, my biggest weakness, one thing lead to another and..
That being said. From withi in , from with out!! I would love it if you could do a video about what we thivers should do when faced with dating again , and if we should date when we are still healing! There will never be anyway to repay you for what you have done for me.
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I have told my therapist about you. She has noticed a big shift in my perception , I actually talk about MY healing rather then spending my money trying to figure my ex-narc out! Love , hugs and blessings is all I can give you , but damn it Mel , I mean it with the bottom of my heart!! However — I do love the idea of doing one for Thrivers! I will certainly put that on the list — and hope to cover that off soon!
I certainly may expand on this topic … and please find my resources that already exist on this.
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Mel, I too cannot thank you enough for your healing, wisdom and true soulful journeying with us all. You have helped me to heal myself in ways that I knew nothing about. The mirror of who I perceived myself to be has been well and truly smashed. Thank you so very very much.
Love to you always. Liz Hannah. You are absolutely a godsend you have helped me so much. When I start to falter I tell myself oh I just need to listen to Melanie for a little bit to help get me back on track….. Not because you are doing the soothing but because you give me the confidence and I remember to do the inner work. So easy to fall back into old patterns. I certainly do believe codependency can play out whichever way due to our wounds. Our most important thing is cleaning them up and going free — no matter what they are. Thank you so much for your blog.
Part of me wants to cry because of the hell ive endured. I was married to my first narcissist from before I was finally discarded.
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Cheating, lying, self centeredness. I was miserable and depressed and was begging for help. In comes the last narc for three years. He acted like my savior, I emotionally thought I met my soul mate. He lied about being married, he strung me along when I was weak and self hating. He came off as wise and strong. As I began to get stronger after my divorce I demanded more and for things to change. Nothing really changed in three years but he did end up moving in with me full time.
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